Focus

Is there anything better than realizing you have absolutely nowhere you have to be today? My younger self would have hated that. I would have been anxious about the prospect of a whole day stuck at home...bored.

Now, of course, I know that I can actually be more bored when running around doing things I must do than when I am sitting at home. Ah, perspective.

I have been thinking about writing again. I mean, it's always in the back of my mind, but I've been actually missing it. Wanting to do it. Which reminded me that I actually have a blog I've been neglecting...

Here's the thing I think about blogs: You have to have a thing. It's a rare blogger who is successful without a thing that gives their blog shape and focus. Like, traveling the world for a year - that's a good thing to blog about. Finding out you have cancer - that's a good (albeit difficult) thing to blog about. Even having a baby can be a good thing to blog about if your audience is all other people who are newly becoming parents.

Simply living your life isn't really a thing to blog about unless you are A) a celebrity or B) you are just super interesting - and probably very witty and a good writer. I would totally love to put myself in that bucket, but reality would tell a different story.

You CAN just blog about your regular old life, of course, my point is simply that it's difficult to keep it interesting.

I need a hook. A thing. A hooky thing. If not for the people who actually read this blog, then just as a way to trick my brain into thinking about what to write. I need motivation...focus. Shape. An angle.

Really I just need to set my mind to something and then follow through with it for more than a couple weeks. Or abandon ship. Or just admit that really all I'm ever going to blog about are things I cross of my 40 by 40 list.

Hmmm...I'm going to go back to having nothing to do today.

Eventually

I have to say something that's probably obvious to any writer: I need to read more. When I read, I want to write. And I need to write. Even though I go long stretches without it, I always return to the fact that writing is like a vitamin...it's nourishment for me.

I just read "Wifey" for my bookclub. Holy shit, I didn't even know that book existed until a few weeks ago, and I loved Judy Blume as a kid. The book is pretty great. Not just because of how taboo it all was, but just because it's such escapism. It was Judy Blume coming off of a divorce and letting her mind wander. And from the writer perspective, I just think that's pretty great. Not everybody can turn their "what ifs" into a piece of pop culture.

I just love to imagine writers writing. I keep thinking maybe all of this time I'm not writing is accumulating into this void that I will one day fill. One day I will wake up and the words will pour out of me...prolifically. I will suddenly have all the things to say...I will have all the stories and amazing characters and perfectly placed words. And maybe it will seem effortless, as if these years of not being able to muster any words were not an effort. Maybe it will all make sense and seem like it was worth it. Like I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

It's a nice thought, but I'm too rational to think that it's true. Writers work hard and this writer is hardly working. But I know it's still there and that I will write again. Somehow. Eventually.

Rooftop drinking

Back in May, when Minneapolis was just beginning to emerge from its pseudo-spring that felt more like winter and the sun was actually shining on occasion, I wanted to make sure I didn't let summer pass me by without taking advantage of being able to sit outside without a hat and mittens, so I pledged to have a drink on a rooftop or patio every week for the whole summer. (I know, it's totally heroic.)

A beautiful day in the neighborhood.

I posted said pledge on Facebook and was surprised at how enthusiastic people were about this idea. Over the last two months, I've been asked about my quest at least weekly. Such excitement makes me think I should maybe be trying to harder to seek out new and interesting patios and rooftops around the Twin Cities, but so far I've just been happy to complete my pledge every week except one. (Please note that so far Minneapolis summer has been at least 70% thunderstorms.)

So since I get asked a lot, here is the list of patios and rooftops I have visited this summer on my quest -- along with the all-important rating (which I would have made umbrellas if I could figure out how to put the symbol in):

1. Brit's Pub ***
2. Margaritaville (Las Vegas) ****
3. Muddy Waters **
4. Pittsburgh Blue *
5. Masa *
6. Seven **
7. Ciao Bella * 
8. moto-i **

With the exception of Brit's, I don't feel like I've hit the supposedly best places yet. I have to make an effort to get out to Stella's, Cafeteria and Psycho Suzi's in the next few weeks. Let's hope the sun keeps shining!

Birthday blur

Birthday week just barreled through like a freight train. In fact, things moved so fast that I forgot to enjoy the week between my/boys bday week and Father's Day/husband bday week and here we are right back into celebration mode...which isn't bad, mind you. It's just really expensive and slightly chaotic.

This was my first birthday in 4 years that I didn't stare at my 40 by 40 list. Perhaps this is because I am so far behind schedule on it this year or maybe it's just because I've just been on autopilot lately. Either way, it deserves a bit of reflection. I just went through a crossed off the two most recent things I accomplished:

#6 Learn to play guitar
I did this! I really did. I'm not a pro or anything, but I learned 7 or 8 chords and could legitimately sit down and play you a song today, which is a LOT more than I could do back in January. (Hopefully you like "Hey Jude" and "Live on Tomorrow") I thought about recording myself playing as proof that I'd accomplished this one (because usually there is some kind of evidence), but I think I left my recording-myself-singing-songs phase behind when I was about 11...I can't even imagine if YouTube had existed back then.

#36 Eat at Per Se
My dessert tasting menu experience was so lovely and fun that I think it fulfills this list item. True, when I put this on the list I imagined eating in the main dining room, but I feel like I got just the perfect amount of the Per Se experience without dropping $500 on dinner. (I'm so fiscally responsible!)

Reading through my 40 by 40 list is such a great reminder of how much you can change year-to-year without even realizing. Running a 5K is always the easiest example to use because I literally could not run one mile back when I made this list and now I run two miles as a regular jog and can run a 5K on a moment's notice.

I like #22 too (Learn to make and appreciate a good martini) because dirty martinis are now one of my favorite drinks. I even started a book club that includes drinking martinis! 4 years ago I didn't even know how to order one properly.

This is all to say that I still love my 40 by 40 list even though I haven't been loving blogging much lately. Everything comes in waves, right? So maybe if I ride this one out, I'll re-emerge in a place where I can put blogging back into my routine...if I take all of the trips remaining on my list, I should have plenty to blog about.

In good news, we're taking a step toward #18 (Be debt free) - we finally got our old house back on the market yesterday! That's the house we brought our tiny babies home to 10 years ago, so it's got lots of good memories, but it's also the house we've been saddled with for the past six years while the housing market tanked, so I will be very happy and relieved to sign it over to a new owner. (Fingers crossed)

Off I go, marching into Father's Day and another birthday, and before we know it June will be over. Go smell some flowers or something.

Absentee

I missed a month. An entire 31-day month passed without me blogging. I'd like to tell you that I have been up to so many exciting things that I simply could not find the time, but it's more like I've been sucked into a never-ending loop of work, cook, sleep, repeat and whatever brain cells have not been sacrificed to that black hole have been stolen by Candy Crush. (Seriously, I wish I was playing it right now.)

Pretty, pretty ice cream

I did leave the black hole briefly to go to Vegas, which was fun and exciting and delicious. I definitely should have written a whole post about that trip, but now it was nearly a month ago, so I'll just give you the barebones highlights:

• Best Dessert of the Trip goes to RM Seafood, where we got 16 (!) flavors of ice cream and had to guess all the flavors. (Peanut butter was very yummy, garlic was not.)
• Best Way to Spend a Monday morning goes to sipping pina coladas by the pool. (Although New York-New York is not really the place to stay if you really love to hang out at the pool.)
• Best Attraction of the Trip goes to the Neon Boneyard, which is pretty much what it sounds like. Lots of pieces of Vegas history all in one place, plus now I have another reason to go back because they're going to start doing nighttime tours with the signs all lit up! 

Culminating with that trip, I've almost entirely fallen off the healthy eating wagon. I mean, I still love my gluten-free crackers, but I've been slacking on the rest of it. Which is to say that I do not have any Smart and Good recipes, nor will I within the next week, as we've just kicked off BIRTHDAY WEEK over here, which is really more like birthday month because my birthday is the day before the boys' birthday, which is exactly two weeks before my husband's birthday. Geminis are we.

So, I really will have a lot going on over the next few days and weeks, but I will make sure that I also come back to the blog, because I really need to revisit my 40 by 40 list and formally acknowledge all the things I did not do...more to come.

You Gotta Try to Stay Alive

Spring has sprung finally in Minneapolis (although rumor has it there will be snow on Wednesday) and we've been doing some spring cleaning. Today I found an old notebook from one of the many writing classes I've taken over the years.

I don't know what year it was from - maybe 2004 - and I had written down writing goals as part of the class. My 5-year goal was to have a book published (ok, a "best selling novel"). My ideal worklife was to write all day and then play with the boys in the afternoons and evenings.

I still think that's my ideal worklife, if we're making wishes on stars. However, I've yet to become motivated to the point that I actually sit down and write. I could tell you that inspiration hasn't struck, but I know that successful writers write even when there is no inspiration. It's about priorities...which means it's actually about overcoming the fear of pursuing the dream, because it's so safe and cozy to think about what you wish would happen, but it's really, really hard to try it and fail.

Maybe my 40 by 40 list is really just meant to bring me to the place where I'm more pulled by the feeling of trying it than pushed by the fear of failing at it.

Speaking of 40 by 40, I can now play two legit songs on guitar! I mean, I still stumble and I definitely still have to read the music, but back in January, I couldn't play a single chord, so that is progress. And I'm learning that you can get pretty far only knowing 5 chords and a few variations of them. My guitar teacher leans toward the Bob Dylan/Jimi Hendrix stuff, but I started teaching myself to play a Juliana Hatfield song and I'm finding it to be much more motivating...probably because in high school, I fantasized about being Juliana Hatfield. (Then when I was a critic, I got to interview her on the phone - all I remember is that she burned the rice she was cooking while talking to me.)

So yeah, I'm now performing a stilted version of "Live on Tomorrow" multiple times per day in my living room. While the song's sentiment is ultimately positive, I probably wouldn't have chosen those lyrics to put on repeat for my kids, but I didn't know all of the chords for any of her other songs (at least not based on my brief internet search), so if it means we have to have a heart-to-heart about not letting people treat you like shit, even if ultimately you can triumph over it, then so be it. I'm totally going to play that song without looking at the music by my birthday.

Ok, so I'm trying to think of a good way to segue from Juliana Hatfield to my Smart but Good recipe, but the best I've got is that both Juliana and peanut butter cups are simple pleasures. (Side note: Did you know "segway" isn't a real word? All the times you've said you needed a "segway" from one topic to another you meant segue, unless you were referring to the mode of transportation! OMG.)

Disclosure: I still don't eat a ton of gluten, but I've definitely fallen off the health kick. Sure, I make better choices as a rule, but I also sometimes eat nachos and burgers (not generally together). What I'm trying to say is that this recipe feels like a bit of a cop out because I'm not totally sure that it's "smart" to eat peanut butter cups, even if they are gluten free. Also, I'm not totally sure that regular peanut butter cups aren't already gluten free...if so, I'd stick with those.

And with that ringing endorsement, I bring you the latest Smart and Good recipe!

The peanut butter layer.

They-Taste-Like-Homemade Gluten-Free Peanut Butter Cups
(adapted from All Day I Dream About Food)

For Chocolate outside:
¼ cup butter
3 oz unsweetened chocolate
3 tbsp powdered sugar (you can make your own unrefined version by putting your alternate sugar in the blender - I used palm sugar)
2 tbsp cocoa powder
1/2 tsp vanilla extract

For Peanut Butter inside:

½ cup peanut butter
3 tbsp powdered sugar
½ tsp vanilla extract

You also need 12 muffin liners or candy cups (whatever those are) - something to make the "cup" shape

Directions:

1. Melt butter, unsweetened chocolate and powdered sugar in a small pot on low heat, stirring until smooth. Stir in cocoa powder and vanilla. Let cool 5 to 10 minutes, until somewhat thickened.
2. Use back of small spoon to spread thin layer of chocolate mixture on bottom and up sides of twelve muffin liners. Place on baking sheet or platter and freeze until firm, about 20 minutes.
3. In a microwave safe bowl, heat peanut butter on high for 30 seconds or until fully melted but not hot. Stir in powdered sugar and vanilla extract.
4. Remove chocolate cups from freezer and add a layer of the peanut butter filling (you should use it all). Return to freezer for another 10 minutes.
5. Rewarm remaining chocolate gently over low heat and stir until smooth. Spread over peanut butter filling to the sides of each cup. Chill until set, 20 minutes.
6. Store in the refrigerator...or eat them all.

   

   Juliana is much more photogenic than these peanut butter cups.

Eating New York

I've been absent from the blog for a few reasons, but the most interesting one is that I was in NYC for four days on my BFF foodie trip!

The whole trip was lovely. It started a little cold, but by the time we left, it was 75 and sunny!

Side note: After prancing around Central Park in the sun, we returned to the second coming of Minnesota winter. Snow and rain and more snow. April, you are dead to me. 

We ate A LOT in New York. My body was begging for mercy by the end, but it was so fun!!!

Here's a rundown of the places we ate (in order of appearance) and then I'll tell you my favorite:

Snack Box
I'm not sure this is the best hot dog in New York, but it's still fun to eat a hot dog in the middle of Times Square. Plus, I got the pineapple relish, which was weird but good.

WD-50
We did the "From the Vault" tasting menu and it was amazing. Not as crazy as I would have thought from all the hype about Wylie Dufresne and his molecular gastronomy, but that was fine with me. My only complaint is that two of the seven courses has things that tasted like Fruit Rollups and I hate Fruit Rollups.

Bouchon Bakery
Pretty, pretty pastries. We were at the Rockefeller Center location and they had run out of all the hot breakfast items by 10 a.m. on a Sunday, but I probably would have just eaten the same Chocolate Almond Croissant even if I could have ordered eggs. (Also, I brought shortbread cookies home and they were delicious.)

Eataly
This was one of my favorites. I wish I could live near this place...no, I wish I could live right there in Eataly. You're surrounded by Italian ingredients and then you can sit down and order a meal made with all the good stuff you're looking at. It was busy even though we were there around 3 p.m. but we got a spot at the bar in Il Pesce (the fish place). I didn't realize how heavenly wine and salmon carpaccio on a Sunday afternoon could be. Thank you, Mario Batali (and the people who actually made my food).

Ca Va 
Our budget hotel happened to be across the street from this Todd English place, so we had to stop in. We had lamb short ribs and martinis at the bar, which were great.

Per Se
I was actually nervous for this, even though we were only going for dessert. I had such high expectations and they were all met. The food and service were both wonderful...and I'll give you the play by play below.

Norma's
This is my go-to breakfast spot in NYC. However, now that I know better than to order things like mountains of pancakes and chocolate-peanut butter waffles, it wasn't quite as great - this was partially due to unusually bad service on this visit. But I'll still be back when I've got the kids with me.

Dickson's Farmstand Meats in Chelsea Market
I had never been to Chelsea Market despite it being featured heavily on Food Network. It's such a nice little spot. It's made up of small shops and we chose Dickson's because my travel companion wanted a sloppy joe. I opted for the pastrami sandwich, which came with apricot chutney. Yum! It was the surprise hit of the trip. (We also ate a cupcake and mini donuts at the market, but the sandwich was the highlight.)

Doughnut Plant
We went to see the Chelsea Hotel and realized that Doughnut Plant's main location is there. Score! I know this is crazy, but I couldn't eat a donut. I had coffee, but my BFF represented with a rose donut. I just loved the space - donut tiles, donut pillows on the wall...love.

Prune
We wanted to eat here after reading "Blood, Bones and Butter" and I'm glad we did. The place is tiny and adorable. The waitresses wear pink, our drinks were both pink and they were playing Pink over the sound system (which was maybe a coincidence, but cute). I had a petite filet with potatoes that was lovely. And butter cake.

Sarabeth's
I feel like Anthony Bourdain mentioned this place once, but I could be making that up. Somehow I heard about it and I'm glad I did. It has a pretty, sunny location off Central Park and they serve porridge! (Which is delicious!)

See? That's a lot of food.

Ok, so my favorite was Per Se. Maybe because it was all about dessert. Maybe because I'd been anticipating eating there for years. Maybe because the dessert was amazing. Or maybe just all of that combined. I was giddy.

The Dessert Tasting is served in the Salon (not a bar, a bar would be too ordinary). Even though the service is legendary, I wasn't sure if there'd be any hoity-toityness when we arrived only wanting dessert, while most people pay $400 to sit in the dining room. There was not. The hostesses were sweet and welcoming.

The experience was lovely and perfect and delicious and fun and without any of the pretense that can come with a fancy dinner, so I'm actually not sure if I really want to eat in the Dining Room now...but I think I still do.

The Salon is elegant and dimly-lit, which is why I could not bear to turn on my flash and the following photos are dark. But enjoy.

Amuse bouche: Tiny ice cream sandwiches
that tasted like dreamsicles.

Another amuse: An homage to the famous Thomas Keller
salmon cornets,but this was sweet with pineapple. 

"Chamomile Soda"
Vanilla Tapioca Pudding and Sake Granita
(Delicious and I loved the Alice and
Wonderland-like presentation!)

Mango Sorbet
Carribean Papaya and Whipped Jasmine Tea

"PB&J"
Candied Virginia Peanuts, Red Verjus
"Pate de Fruits" and "Pain au Lait" Ice Cream
(This was one of my favorites. Look at that tiny sandwich!
And the ice cream was incredible!)

"Coffee and Doughnuts"
Cinnamon-Sugared Brioche Doughnuts
with Cappucino Semifreddo
(This was my favorite, favorite. It looks so simple,
but those donuts were perfect and the way the cappucino
was really ice cream? I mean, come on.)

Seville Orange-Vanilla "Creamsicle"
Manjari Chocolate "Cremeux" with Mint "Genoise"
(While I hesitate to make any disparaging remarks
about this experience, we didn't like this dessert.
It didn't taste like a creamsicle and the tartness
of the orange was overpowering.)

Housemade Chocolates
(Just when you think it's over, the waiter arrives
with a box of 30 different chocolates
in flavors such as "Dirty Martini White Chocolate."
Amazing! You can pick as many as you want,
although I'm not sure they'd love it if
you asked them to just leave the whole box.) 

And that, my friends, is how you eat New York. Or at least, a small portion of New York. Maybe I can do a family-friendly round this summer when we take the kids. Until then, I'll be focused on losing the 500 lbs. I just gained. 

(Recipes to return soon!)

Spreading Awareness

I'm making a rare midweek visit to the blog to acknowledge that today is World Autism Awareness Day - and in fact, this month is Autism Awareness Month - so I hope that all of you will take a moment to either learn more about Autism Spectrum Disorders or educate someone else.

1 in 88 American kids - and 1 in 54 boys - has an Autism Spectrum Disorder, including my Owen. My Owen is exceptional in many ways: He is brilliant, funny, creative, witty, and sweet. And he is challenged every day by the fact that his brain works differently than that of the average nine-year-old boy.

We don't yet understand what causes autism and we don't yet have a cure.

If you ask Owen, he'll tell you that he doesn't need a cure, he likes his brain just fine the way it is. But it's important to know that we are the lucky ones. Although Owen struggles, he can basically do everything a typical kid can do. Other kids on the spectrum are not so lucky and they deserve answers.

Autism Speaks has a lot great resources...there's also this amazing thing called Google, but beware of some of the crazy things the Internet might tell you about autism.

Here's the gist of what I know, 7 years post-diagnosis:

• Autism is a brain disorder, which is not the same as a mental disability.
• Vaccines and autism have never been proven to be related. (Please, vaccinate your kids.)
• No two kids with autism are the same.
• Autism might look like that kid rocking and banging his head against the wall and it could also look like that kid who talks incessantly about Pokemon and won't meet your eyes.
• Autism doesn't make a person stupid or smart. 
• Changes in diet can have a positive effect on kids with autism (just like they can have a positive effect on any kid).
• Although there is no cure, autism can be treated with various therapies, such as Applied Behavior Analysis.
• Some insurance companies deny treatment for autism. There are people dedicating their lives to changing that - you can help.
• Autism is complicated and it deserves a lot more research. You can help with that, too.
• People with autism need the compassion and support of their communities to navigate a world designed for neurotypical people - we can all help with that.

Happy World Autism Awareness Day!

The Pancake has Risen

Happy Cadbury Egg day to all!

Easter doesn't mean a whole lot at our house. I mean, we hide eggs and the boys get chocolate bunnies and all, but it probably ranks only slightly higher than, say, Fourth of July on the excitement meter.

Last night we watched "Life of Pi," though, and now I'm thinking that's a pretty good Easter movie. The boys loved it for all the animals. I loved how it illustrates the way amazing storytelling can make you believe just about anything...although I guess I haven't yet heard the story that makes me believe a rabbit hiding eggs is the logical way to celebrate a man rising from the dead, but by no means am I suggesting that should stop anyone from enjoying their celebrations.

Yeah, so Easter is really just a reason to eat poorly at our house. We didn't even make brunch plans this year and I am torn on how I feel about that. On the one hand, I kind of wish I was out being waited on and sipping mimosas.  On the other, I am pretty happy to still be in my pajamas.

Plus, it gave me a reason to try a new breakfast recipe that sticks with the whole "risen" theme of the day: The Puffed Pancake (aka, Dutch Baby).

I used this recipe from Food Network and I'll admit that I did not even attempt to make it gluten-free, although I am willing to bet you could...I just don't know if it would rise the same way. And it rose pretty impressively. Note that I used a cast iron skillet.

Before baking

Puff!

I sprinkled it with powdered sugar because
I didn't have any berries on hand. 

It's super easy. And gives you the added bonus of getting to say, "I put the Dutch Baby in the oven!" which, if your kids are anything like mine, will be met with cries of "Why would you put a baby in the oven?!" Good times.

Since I didn't have berries (I seriously Googled the recipe this morning), we just used syrup and it was delicious. Probably just as good as any brunch we might have paid oodles of money for...minus the mimosas.

And since I was negligent last week in posting, I'm going to give you a second recipe today. It's simple but perfect for today: Egg Salad! Ok, so you probably already know how to make egg salad...but maybe not, because I just made my very first egg salad this year! Plus, I have a secret ingredient (at least, it was secret to me).

Hippity-Hoppity Egg Salad (Gluten Free!)
6 hard boiled eggs
Dash of salt
1/3 cup mayo
2 Tbsp dijon mustard
2 Tbsp Heinz relish [That's the secret ingredient! Did everyone already know? I grew up without relish!]

1. Choppity-chop those eggs.
2. Put everything in a bowl and mix. You can decide the right balance of mayo/mustard/relish for your own tastes.

I recommend eating it with gluten-free crackers. Preferably these from Blue Diamond, because I am obsessed with them.

Happy Easter!

A+

This is baby A. My baby A. Born nearly 14 weeks early.

The morning I found out that the attempts to stop my preterm labor had failed and I was about to deliver, one of the nurses said to me, "You know, my neighbor's daughter was born this early and now she's in high school and she is SMART."

Apparently this was meant to assuage my fears that my premature babies would be stupid...the thing is, I was too busy worrying about whether they were going to live to have considered that maybe even if they did live, they weren't likely to be very smart. (Is that even statistically true? I have no idea.)

I was reminded of this today when we got the boys' scores back from the EXPLORE test, which is like the middle school equivalent of the ACT. It's an optional test that gifted kids can take to learn more about their strengths.

So yes, we already know they're gifted and they both scored higher than the average 8th grader (they are 4th graders), but when I saw Aidan's results I almost cried. (I cried, with joy) The kid scored in the 100th percentile for English usage/mechanics. 100th percentile means no one scored better than he did.

I want to go hang up his test results in the NICU so that all those other moms and dads who are so worried for their tiny babies can at least cross one fear off their lists.

(I know I owe you a recipe. I will make it up to you!)

Gluten-Free is a Big Thing in Ireland, Right?

Oh, St. Patrick's Day, you are my favorite holiday...and I really like holidays.

This year is pretty low key for us, as it falls on a Sunday. I'd love to be out drinking pints and listening to reels, but I guess I wasn't willing to give up Sunday as my household catch-up day in favor of drinking too much on a school night. Still, even though I am not physically smushed into a pub, my heart is there...actually, my heart is in Dublin, where my head always pretends to be whilst smushed in said pub on St. Patrick's Day.

We celebrated this morning as a family with an Irish breakfast at a local pub and did our annual toast to my father, who was a fine Irishman that passed away on March 18, nine years ago. This year we toasted with Bailey's & coffee. (Sorry, daddy, we couldn't bring ourselves to toast with whiskey at breakfast with the kids...we'll do two next year.)

Actually, we kicked off the festivities yesterday. I ran the Get Lucky 7K and, much to my surprise, I RAN THE WHOLE THING. 4.3 miles, baby, when the longest I've ever run is a 5K! Apparently the theory that you can basically learn to do anything with enough practice is true. Who knew?

I could dwell on how useful this lesson might have been had I learned it a wee bit earlier in life, but instead, I'm just going to say how thankful I am to be learning it now.

So in honor of today, I bring you a Smart and Good recipe for shamrock sugar cookies, which aren't exactly great for you because they've got 2 sticks of butter, BUT they are gluten free and don't contain refined sugar...until you get to the icing.

FYI, the palm sugar will make
 your dough darker than the
 average sugar cookie dough. 

Lucky to be Gluten Free Sugar Cookies (adapted from Vanilla Bean Baker)

1 cup unsalted cold butter (cut into cubes)
1 cup palm sugar
1 large egg
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoon pure almond extract
3 cups Gluten Free All Purpose Flour
1 tsp Gluten Free Baking Powder
3/4 tsp Xanthan Gum
Shamrock cookie cutter (or any holiday-specific cookie cutter)

So easy, even a nine-year-old can do it. 

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350
2. Combine flour, baking powder and xanthan gum in a medium bowl and whisk together. Set aside.
3. Beat butter and sugar together until creamy. Add beaten egg, vanilla and almond extract and mix until well combined.
4. Gradually add flour mixture, one cup at a time until combined. Continue with mixer on lower speed until batter begins to come away from sides of bowl. Scrape down bowl and gather batter to form into a ball.
5. Roll out your dough on a floured surface. (It's sticky!)
6. Cut your shapes. Place them on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper.
7. Bake for 12-15 minutes.

Pepperminty Icing

1 cup powdered sugar (there might be a non-refined version of this, but I haven't tried it)
1 Tbsp water (adjust based on the consistency you want)
1/2 tsp peppermint extract
1/4 tsp vanilla extract

Mix it all up and then add food coloring unless you're making some kind of snowy-looking shamrocks, which would be appropriate here in Minnesota.

Beware: You're going to tell yourself it's ok to eat, like, 6 of these because they're gluten free...try to remember those two sticks of butter. Or, go run 4.3 miles.

Tada! Shamrock cookies are the new green beer, I swear.

The Good, The Bad, and The Yummy

Well, here it is Monday and I have not blogged every day like I planned, nor have I come to you bearing a Smart and Good recipe this week. In fact, rather than bake the gluten-free cupcakes I plan to bake every weekend (Because, hello, what do I like better than cupcakes?), I made Dumb and Bad cupcakes.

They were Hot Chocolate Cupcakes, made from a mix I bought on clearance the day after Christmas. I'm not proud.

But let's talk about the good things! I had the most New York-a-rific weekend one can have without actually going anywhere near New York. My BFF foodie weekend is taking shape...which is good, seeing as it's only 4 weeks away.

I am happy to report that we've secured reservations at WD-50 and Prune and, as I've already mentioned, we are planning to experience the dessert tasting menu a Per Se, although we can't make reservations for that, so I will have to trust that the stars will align.

In other good news, I can recommend to you both "Searching for Sugarman" and (if you're in Minneapolis) World Street Kitchen. It's a food truck turned into a restaurant and it's delicious and economical. And has gluten-free options! So there you have it, rather than give you a recipe this week, I'm just telling you to go out and support a local business. I'm so damn altruistic.

It's a lamb belly YumYum Rice Bowl. Gluten free!

Yesterday is Gone

There was no more tomorrow, sorry. Tomorrow is already yesterday and yesterday felt a little frantic, so there was no time for blogging.

Nothing in particular happened to make yesterday frantic, but it started with not getting enough sleep and then driving my husband to the airport at 6:30 a.m., which threw off the routine, which caused ripple effects that made me just sort of feel a step behind all day.

But, the day ended snuggling with my boys and then (after boys went to bed) catching up on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, so all was well.

Today the boys are coming downtown with my mom to meet me for lunch and then I'm leaving early with them, so that's pretty awesome, Ah, to see my fancy downtown office building through the eyes of a kid again...

Coming soon: An update on my plan to somehow still knock out a bunch of items on my 40 by 40 list in the less-than-3 months before my birthday...because seriously, how am I going to do that?

Preparations

I am preparing for a 4-day weekend of single parenting. Well, no, it's not a 4-day weekend for ME, just for everyone else. My husband is headed to Atlanta and my kids will hang out with grandma while I'm working.

It will all be fine, of course, but knowing that I'm headed for single parenting always sends me into a survivalist state of mind. I feel like I need to stock up on supplies and prepare for all possibilities. I think it's an anxiety left over from when my husband used to have to travel for work nearly every week and the boys were young enough that leaving the house with them alone was actually a daunting task. I basically just want the three of us to cuddle up under a blanket until things return to normal.

Unfortunately, the boys have other plans, so rather than cuddling, I'll be managing logistics and transportation for their busy social lives. Sigh.

More tomorrow.

Snow Day!

No school today thanks to all of this lovely snow. And I mean that un-sarcastically - it really is lovely...especially because I didn't have to drive in it.

The boys were psychotically excited. The kind of excitement where I fear one them will run directly into a wall or that they will smash their heads together while jumping around screaming for joy. 

I get it, of course. Snow days are the best. And in my mind, you must go sledding on a snow day...and so began the many hours-long quest to sled. 

First, we apparently lost our sleds. How this is possible, I'm really not sure. How does one lose a sled? It's not like I stuck it in a closet and forgot about it...it's not like you just leave the sledding hill without your sled...it has to be in the garage somewhere. But it's not. And that's just the sled I can remember us owning. I feel like we should own at least two sleds...right?

Ok, so my husband had to head into work anyway to deal with the deposit, so we figured he could get some sleds. The good news is, he got to work and then made it to Target without getting stuck in a snowbank. The bad news is that Target apparently clearanced out its sleds weeks ago (I didn't pay attention because we own a sled!).

Thankfully, the local hardware store still had sleds. Hallelujah.

Next up was my snowpants. As in, I know I own a nice pair from back when I used to snowboard (not like, really used to snowboard, but like tried to snowboard while on vacation with my dad during college). We (read: my husband, who dug through the crawl space) found the snowboard and boots, but no snowpants. 

Repeat that process for my nice ski gloves (only we found nothing in that case...) and you can see why I've arrived at the theory that maybe I've been sleep sledding and my snowpants and gloves are with the missing sled somewhere in the woods. Seriously, it's March...how have I not needed a sled, snowpants, or ski gloves this entire winter?

But finally, finally, finally, after my husband spent hours on this pursuit while I worked (thanks, honey!), we were all bundled and out the door to sled. Hooray! This is where I wanted to show you a beautiful photo of the snow coming down while the smiling children flew down the hill...only my phone died as soon as we got there (sad face) and only one of the children was smiling, while the other was frustrated to tears by the fact that no matter how he approached it, he could not get his sled to go off the jump...it was like they were magnetic poles repelling each other (there is likely a more scientifically accurate and articulate way of saying that, but I do not know the proper terms). It would have been hilarious, had it not caused so much screaming and crying. 

And so I sit, drinking my last white Christmas beer of the year (I'm giving up buying beer that has gluten, but this is still leftover from our holiday party in December) and thinking how happy I am that it is not, in fact, Christmas and that this snow is going to melt in a matter of days (probably) and that spring is just around the corner...it's just a very large corner. 

I'm Pretty Sure There Have Been Days Like Today

I had an amazing thought today that went something like this..."What if I tried blogging every day until it became a habit again?" Even more amazing is that even though today is the 4th, which is an odd time start something, I decided to do it anyway. No day like today, right?

My day consisted of a snowstorm and wearing a suit for a giant presentation I had to give. The presentation itself wasn't really gigantic, it was the caliber of the audience that made it giant. If you've never worked in corporate America, then there's really no way to describe the fear that is systematically struck into your heart based on a person's place near the top of the organization's hierarchy.

I try to remember that they are just people. That they want to believe what you're saying to them is a good idea, because, honestly, isn't it more fun to hear people present good ideas, than bad ones? But there is also that distant reality that they could totally have you fired (or make you want to quit) that makes things hard.

Well, and there's the plain old fact that I hate presenting. Hate it. My face gets flushed as soon as I speak in a conference room. Throw in a PowerPoint deck and some bullet points I know I have to hit, and I'm pretty much suffering. This is not to say that I'm bad at it. In fact, I think I've gotten a lot better at it over the years, but I still hate it. Probably always will.

Anyway, the presentation went smashingly, in that I didn't say anything stupid and I'm pretty sure I hit all my key points. The rest of the day was spent writing assorted emails, talking about emails, reading things on the Internet and filling out grids...a typical day at HQ.

Then I came home just in time for the snow to start up again. It's supposed to snow all night, so I'm planning to work from home tomorrow. (Woohoo!) This brings us to now, where I'm sitting by the fireplace eating Ben & Jerry's Banana Peanut Butter Greek Frozen Yogurt...which is obviously full of dairy and sugar (and something called Locust Bean Gum?) and is really amazing and only has 210 calories per serving vs. the 10,000 calories in regular Ben & Jerry's (that's an estimate).

So it was a good day...add in that I've now blogged for the day and we're looking at a damn successful Monday. Here's hoping the rest of the week goes this well.

Love and snowflakes to all.

In Praise of the Bake

Welcome to March, everyone. It's a good month. The sun has returned to Minneapolis. One of my favorite holidays is just two weeks away...there are Shamrock shakes.

Travel planning has kicked back into full gear, as I prepare for my BFF foodie trip to NYC and my BFF couples trip to Vegas this spring, plus our family trip to NYC and Boston this summer. (Shhhh...don't tell the boys, but I think we're staying in another hotel with a pool on the roof!)

Lots to be happy about, including this week's Smart and Good recipe, which I'm super excited about because it solved the problem I was having with breakfast.

After my cleanse, I realized that I had to stop eating yogurt every morning because it was just too much dairy and it wasn't making my stomach happy. But ever since, I haven't been able to figure out what to eat for breakfast and it's been causing me to have coffee breakfast, which isn't great.

I don't get up early enough to cook breakfast in the morning (I get up at 6, which I think is early enough), so it had to be something I could grab and take to work with me. I tried a few things, but nothing was as easy and filling as yogurt. Enter the OATMEAL BAKE!

This is the photo from the brilliant creator of
this recipe. There's also coconut whipped cream
in this photo, which sounds amazing, but I
skipped that part...for now.

I have to give my friend Kristina credit for introducing me to the concept of what is essentially a casserole made of oatmeal. After learning of its existence, it only took a quick search of Pinterest to find this recipe, which I only changed by using gluten-free oats rather than regular ones.

It's oatmeal and cinnamon and coconut milk AND it's dairy/gluten/sugar free! How can that not sound awesome?

Cinnamon Chia Oatmeal Bake

¼ cup coconut oil, melted
¼ cup raw honey
2 large eggs, beaten
½ cup applesauce
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
2 tsp pure vanilla extract
3 cups gluten-free oats
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 cup chia seeds
1 cup coconut milk

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees
2. In a medium to large bowl mix together oil, honey, eggs, applesauce, cinnamon, and vanilla.
3. Add to the bowl rolled oats, baking powder, chia seeds and milk. Mix until thoroughly combined.
4. Pour oat mixture into an 8 inch square baking dish and bake for 20 - 22 minutes. Let sit for about 3 minutes, cut into 9 squares, and serve warm.

I'm pretty sure the discovery of the oatmeal bake is going to cause me to attempt to make many other breakfast-type bakes. Egg bake, waffle bake, sausage McMuffin bake?

My Little (Sweet) Potato (Biscuits)

When the boys were babies, I rediscovered Metamora's "Little Potato," a song that used to make me cringe when I was a teenager being forced to listen to public radio on the way to school with my mom. Of course, after I had my own kids, it became just one in a long line of things that suddenly made perfect sense.

I'm pretty sure that on more than one occasion when the boys were babies and I was at the height of my preemie twins insanity, I actually sat my friends down in my living room and made them listen to that song as if I was giving them a gift...oh, new moms are so delusional.

All that is to say that I must have good friends, seeing as none of them fled my house telling me to give them a call in a decade or so.

I've been thinking a lot about friendships. A girl I work with has the type of sunny disposition that draws people to her. She seriously makes friends everywhere she goes. I'm not so much like that. Unless you're super outgoing and deliberate in your pursuit, I pretty much have to be forced to interact with you for an extended period of time in order to become your friend...mostly that's because I'd have to know you well enough to know if we really had friend potential before I would feel confident in asking you on a friend date.

Anyway, I love my friends, but I think sometimes I give the impression that maybe I don't need them as much as I really do. It's one of the most unfortunate side effects of having babies, I think...people sort of just get in the habit of assuming that you're busy and that they'd be bothering you by asking you to hang out.

I don't know if I'll ever get back into that pre-motherhood groove with people where you could just call them up and ask if they wanted to hang out...and not only did they want to, but they could...right then, without even having to consult their calendars!

I'd love to be that spontaneous again someday. In the meantime, I'm just trying to be better at keeping up with everyone in a more meaningful way than reading their Facebook posts. The thing is, no matter how much I love you, I'm just not great a keeping in touch. It doesn't mean I don't totally want to hear your voice and know about all the things going on in your life. It's mostly that when it occurs to me to reach out just to say hi, I feel sort of awkward...probably because I'm so bad at staying in touch regularly. It feels weird to randomly call you up and make conversation...maybe I need to resurrect the old Sunday long distance phone call habit.

Or maybe, when I wish I could spontaneously call somebody up to ask them to get a beer, only to remember that they are probably busy with their small children and/or that they live across the country...maybe I should seize that moment and write them a random email. I think I'd be happy to get one of those.

And now, rather than sitting you down to listen to new age folk music, I offer you My Little Potato in sweet biscuit form as my Smart and Good recipe of the week. (I know this is blasphemy, but I have to admit that these turned out better when I made them the first time with real flour.)

Sweet Potato Biscuits (Gluten-free version)
Adapted from a recipe published in the now-defunct Wondertime magazine

A seasoned food photographer would not have put
that burnt corner in the center of the photo.

1 1/2 lbs. sweet potatoes (2 big ones, or 3 small ones)
1 stick unsalted butter cut into chunks (use vegan "butter" if you want these to be vegan)
4 tablespoons brown sugar
1/2 tsp sea salt
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp ginger
1 1/2 tsp baking power
1 1/2 cups gluten-free flour
1 tsp Xanthan Gum

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
2. Wash sweet potatoes, poke holes in them with a fork, and microwave for 10 minutes (or until soft)
3. Carefully cut open the sweet potatoes and scoop out the insides. Put sweet potatoes in a mixer with the butter. Whip for about 2 minutes.
4. Add the salt, sugar and spices. Mix and then let the mixture cool for 15 minutes.
5. In a separate bowl, sift the flour, Xanthan Gum, and baking power together.
6. Add flour mixture to sweet potatoes mixture and combine well. It should start to look a little doughy.
7. Roll the dough out on a floured surface. Use a knife to cut 2x2" squares.
8. Place dough squares on a greased cookie sheet and bake for 15-17 minutes. They should be golden brown on the edges.

I like these warm with butter and honey. My kids think they're cookies and just gobble them up cold.

**Side note: Did you know you can subscribe to my blog via email or RSS? If you don't see the links to the right, try viewing the Web version of this page.**

Slow and Steady

Exciting news: I have a callous forming on my pointer finger! I've been practicing my guitar!

It's been six weeks and I can only play two legit chords...is that ridiculous, or about right?

Either way, even with those two chords, I feel like soon I'll be able to play a song. Now when I hear an acoustic song, I say "How many chords do you think this has?" in hopes that maybe one of the songs I already like will happen to be composed of the only two chords that I know. That would be amazing.

I do wish I'd just sat down and learned the guitar back when I was 18 and had pretty much nothing else to do, but I suppose I've still got a good 50 years to play guitar, so better late than never. Maybe I'll even figure out how to write songs. If I ever figure that out, I've already got lyrics, as my teenage poet self left behind enough verses to fill at least a few overwrought love songs.

All of this is to say that I think I'm track to cross #6 off my list by my birthday. I mean, I should be able to learn one song in the next 3 months, right? Right?!

She makes it look so easy...

Chili as Redemption

Oops, I didn't blog this weekend. I really meant to, but I did not. And I even had stuff to tell you and everything!

Saturday night was our belated Valentine's Day dinner. I had planned a dinner and a movie date, but we realized there were no movies worth seeing (I already saw Silver Linings Playbook), so we managed to be smart and remember that we've always wanted to go to Travail but we never have time to wait for a table. And so, the boys were off to grandma's and we were off to scenic Robbinsdale.

Now, let it be known that I wouldn't normally advocate for a place that doesn't take reservations and therefore forces you to wait for 2+ hours for a table (in Robbinsdale no less!), but Travail is special. Bon Appetit even thinks so. I had the pleasure of eating there on my last birthday with 7 of my generous friends. (Pro tip: You can make a group reservation at the big round table if you're willing to pay a large flat fee.) 

We arrived around 5:20 p.m., put our name on the list, and ordered a drink in the waiting area. During the wait, we discovered the tots, which are made with potatoes and bleu cheese (I think) and are AMAZING. But, that's just a side note. 

Heaven is tiny desserts.

We waited about 2 hours. The scene gets a little tense in that waiting area - every time you approach the bar, people get defensive of their 1x1 space and want to be sure you know that they were there first. Even if you're not even trying to get in line...and especially when they finally call your name and you proudly walk in front of everyone to be directed to your table. 

Anyway...we got seated. They offer an 8- and 15-course tasting menu - we got the 8-course menu because I didn't think I could eat 15, although maybe next time I'll try. (Btw, they offer menu items a la carte and people might actually order them that way, but that's just a silly waste of a 2-hour wait for a table in my opinion.)

So we ate. I don't even know what it was...they just bring you stuff and some of it is a course and some of it is an "amusement" and it's all fun and lovely. There was soup that tasted like gravy and a sous-vide egg in something green that was amazing and many other things that I did not photograph because my battery was nearly dead. At one point we were asked to close our eyes and the waiter assembled a frozen peanut butter and jelly concoction on the backs of our hands. Oh, and there was dry ice and pop-rocks (which I spit across the bar). 

But probably my favorite was the last course, the "Bite Flight" (pictured above). Each one of those pairs is a mini version of a thing you want to eat! Bananas foster, s'mores, white russian, caramel apple, creme brulee, and possible my favorite idea: Pound cake 5 ways. (It's that tiny square you see all the way in back.) I was giddy. The only thing I like better than dessert is a tray full of a million choices of dessert! 

The whole thing was just fun. (I know, such amazing descriptions, right? I'll probably never be a food critic.) And it was nice being there with my husband because the whole meal is served to be shared between two people...which is okay to do with friends, but probably better to do with your sweetheart. 

So that was my Valentine's Day/Saturday. It was NOT healthy or even remotely gluten, dairy or sugar free. In fact, it was so indulgent that I couldn't even bring myself to bake a healthy treat on Sunday.

But, have no fear, I've still got a Smart and Good recipe for you - and it's so healthy that it can redeem you from any food sins you may have committed the day before. (that's how it works, right?) 

The prettiest chili can be.

My Favorite Vegetable Chili in the Crockpot (gluten/dairy/sugar free!)

2 tablespoons red wine (this has sugar, you can skip if you don't want it to be AMAZING) 

1/2 teaspoon olive oil

1 onion, finely chopped

5 cloves garlic, minced

1 green bell pepper, finely chopped

1 red bell pepper, finely chopped
1/2 jalapeno pepper, diced into tiny bits

1 rib celery, finely sliced

6 Roma tomatoes, chopped

1 can black beans, , rinsed and drained

1 can kidney beans, rinsed and drained

1 1/2 cups fat-free chicken or vegetable broth

1 can (6 ounces) natural tomato paste

1 cup frozen corn kernels

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon chili powder

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

1/4 teaspoon cumin

1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1/4 teaspoon dried oregano

1/4 teaspoon ground coriander

1. Heat red wine and olive oil in a medium skillet over medium heat until hot. Add onions and garlic; cook and stir until onions are tender. Put it in the slow cooker. 

2. Add all the other ingredients and stir it all up.
3. Put the lid on the slow cooker and cook on LOW for 7-8 hours.

I usually serve it with sour cream and cheese on top, but you can do whatever you want. And it's even better as leftovers the next day! And the next! And it's ALL good for you!

A Day Off

I need a vacation, but It's not in the cards this winter (because it's already in the cards this spring), so...

Today my husband and I transformed what could have been just another Tuesday into a mini vacation! I took the day off work (no calling in sick, this was legit), we sent the kids to school, and then rather than doing all the exhausting household/tasky stuff that generally consumes our weekends, we went to Mystic Lake Casino!

I haven't spent much time in our local casino - I would compare it to not wanting to ski a hill when you've already skied in the mountains - but we decided it was the closest we could get to Vegas in our allotted time window. As a bonus, they recently changed the laws so they can now serve liquor in the casino (it was totally dry before).

When we walked in, we immediately spotted one of my favorite slots: Invaders from the Planet Moolah. (The cows moo when you win!) I sat down and, on my second spin, hit the bonus and won $59!! This theme continued through Wizard of Oz and Hot Hot Super Respin, so when it was finally 11 am and the bar opened (an issue one never has to face in Vegas), we were ready to celebrate with a cocktail!

Now, my expectations weren't high for a martini in this casino, but it's what I wanted. I wish I'd taken a photo, but I guess I was so underwhelmed that it didn't occur to me to document it...the martini was served in a small plastic cup and the liquid only took up maybe 1/3 of that small cup. It was sort of hilarious. It tasted mediocre, which is what I expected, but, whatever, this martini wasn't going to rain on my winning parade.

All in all, it was a lovely (and profitable) morning at the casino...but wait! There was more! After the casino, we went to see Identity Thief, because I love Jason Bateman. The movie is not good. Somehow they managed to make a bunch of funny people not be very funny, which makes the movie feel even longer than it actually is, which is too long. Much too long.

So, mediocre martinis and movie aside, any day that I find myself in both a casino and movie theater is a good day. Make it a day off from work when I don't have to pay anyone to watch my kids, and it's a GREAT day. Add in the fact that we won enough on slots that the day actually MADE us money rather than costing us anything and that's a SUPERAMAZINGSPECTACULAR day!

I suggest you all take one immediately.

A Muffin, Please

Do you remember that commercial from awhile back where the kid is drowning in a giant bowl of cereal, using a Froot Loop as a life preserver, and he says, "Can I just have a muffin, please?" I tried to find it but to no avail. (Here's a tip: Don't Google any phrase that includes "boy drowning" because you will get stories you don't want to know about.)

Yeah, well that's a little what I feel like lately, only the milk is my job. I just feel like I haven't quite found my footing yet...and I'm definitely a person who likes to have my footing. The drowning metaphor is a bit dramatic, sure, but you get my point. And don't we all just need a muffin sometimes?

Perhaps related to this sense of drowning-but-not-really-drowning, I tried to quit guitar this week. I'm terrible about practicing and I hate driving back to Uptown after I just got home from downtown (whine, whine, I know, poor me and the things I want to accomplish in my life), but then when I was sitting there in the lesson, I remembered that I actually want to learn to play and, in fact, I want to learn to play a Belly song...and then for a split second I fantasized about having a Belly coverband called Hot Burrito (but that's actually a cover, so it would have to be called Dusted instead)...so I didn't quit, I just switched the time so I can come directly from work. (I'm a genius!)

So in this story, Tanya Donelly was my muffin. And then today, I made real muffins.

So here it is, my Smart and Good recipe for the week, adapted from a random recipe I tore out of a random magazine long ago. (I didn't make these gluten free, but you easily could by subbing in gluten-free flour and a little xanthan gum.)

Better-Than-a-Giant-Bowl-of-Cereal (Dairy-Free/Refined Sugar-Free) Mini Zucchini Muffins

See the healthy stuff in there?!

3/4 cup cake flour (I used bread flour to use it up.)
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. nutmeg
1 egg
1/2 cup palm sugar
3 tsp. veg or coconut oil (melted)
1/2 cup grated zucchini
1/4 cup grated carrot
Healthy dash of salt
1/4 cup ground flaxseed
1/4 cup chopped pecans

1. Preheat oven to 350
2. Sift flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon and nutmeg together in a bowl.
3. In a separate bowl, whisk egg, sugar and oil. Stir in zucchini, carrots and salt.
4. Add the flour mixture to the vegetable mixture. Stir.
5. Stir in the nuts and flaxseed.
6. Grease a mini muffin tin (or two). Fill the cups 1/2 full.
7. Bake for 12 minutes. My recipe yielded 20 muffins today. I recommend eating them warm, with butter or coconut butter.

Enjoy!

Meet the Doke

This weekend wasn't great. The hard drive on my computer suddenly died. And even though I had backed it up about 3 months ago, I feel this strange sense of loss about it. As far as I can tell, all I really lost was our Christmas photos (backup all of your photos to the cloud right now!), but it's just unsettling when you are reminded how reliant you are on machines.

Ok, so rather than bringing you a Smart and Good recipe today, I'm bringing you a Dumb and Ridiculous recipe, which is a little bit how I feel about grieving my hard drive.

Two years ago I started the tradition of attempting a crazy dessert-inside-a-dessert on Superbowl Sunday. It began with Pake (pie inside a cake) and then came Pookie (pie inside a cookie - from the Cakespy cookbook), so this year I attempted Doke...donuts inside a cake.

But before I take you through the Doke, I want to say that I also made these Mathematically Perfect Nachos and while they were awesome, I'm pretty sure you could achieve the same thing in less than half the time with Tostitos Scoops.

Now back to dessert. In previous years, I had a recipe. This year, I just dreamt the creation up with the help of some of my Facebook friends.

It started with donuts and a cake mix. Sure, I considered making both from scratch, but artful cooking isn't really the point of this annual tradition.

(Btw, I'm sure you could make this whole thing gluten and dairy free, but...there's probably a better thing for you to make if that's what you want to do.)

I made the cake batter as directed on the box and then I poured it into my angel food cake pan because I had a stroke of genius: Make the donut-cake IN THE SHAPE OF A DONUT!

I poured the batter in the pan with the intention of standing the donuts up on their sides, but there wasn't enough batter to cover them up that way...

So I shoved the donuts in as so (I fit 5 in there). We debated face up or face down and decided on face down thinking we'd flip the cake out of the pan at the end.

 I had to do some shaking, but the batter eventually covered all the donuts.

I baked it for 45 minutes, as the box said, but the batter above the donuts stayed wet, while the spaces between the donuts started getting crispy...I baked it for another 10 minutes or so before deciding it would be better to risk part of it being soft rather than burning it beyond recognition. It wasn't so pretty.

It got even less pretty when I tipped it out of the pan. The poor cake couldn't really set with all those giant donuts in its way, so it was a bit crumbly. But look! Doke!

I made my own buttercream frosting before we started. Had I not made it ahead of time, I would have skipped it because clearly there was no good way to ice this thing. However, I was still maintaining the hope of making it look like a giant donut, so I decided to try piping it on (despite the fact that it was still too warm).

Ta-da! It's Doke! Melty, lopsided, falling apart doke, but doke nonetheless.

How did it taste? Pretty good, actually. The donuts didn't even appear to notice they had been baked for another 55 minutes and the cake and frosting were yummy. I think a different pan and possibly mini donuts rather than the full-size model could produce a more cohesive (literally) dish.

So happy Superbowl and sugar rush to you! Tomorrow we get back on the moderation wagon.

Winter Blues and Banana Bread

We're in my least favorite part of winter. The part where the holidays are all over, the shiny newness of the new year has worn off, and the spring is still so, so far away.

This time of year makes the perfect scenario for weight gain, as all I want to do is curl up under a blanket and drink wine, or, if I'm feeling really ambitious, put on my slippers and bake something...and then probably crawl back under the blanket to eat it.

This year is a little different because I'm so scared to go back to my regular way of eating, for fear that I will also return to my bloated, puffy self who wants to lose 10 lbs., rather than 6 (mentally, there's a big difference). In fact, I didn't reintroduce gluten until tonight at dinner, with spaghetti. (And, honestly I do feel that familiar puffiness returning after eating that pasta.)

Yep, I've been living gluten free totally of my own volition in the 6 days since the cleanse was over! I actually didn't even have any alcohol until this weekend either, so there's definitely been a shift in the way my brain is thinking about food (and drink) - I think maybe, just maybe, I'm learning to value how I feel over what tastes good in the moment.

The thing is, I'm not going to say "never" to any food - not only does that make eating out really hard, but it's just not fun - but I can learn to eat LESS of the stuff that makes me feel gross. If it turns out, for example, that chocolate mousse makes me feel like dying, then I guess I'd try to avoid it under normal circumstances, but if I were to find myself at, say, a fancy dessert tasting in New York and the waiter was to bring me chocolate mousse, well...I'd probably accept that I was going to feel like shit for a little while and decide it was worth it. And it probably would be.

However, I'm not willing to accept that I have to live without baked goods if my body turns out to hate gluten, which brings me to my Smart and Good recipe of the week, which I found comforting and perfect for this arctic, depressing weather.

Gluten-Free Banana Bread (recipe adapted from Betty Crocker)
1 1/4 cups maple sugar (you can get it at Whole Foods)
1 stick butter - softened
2 large eggs
3-4 mashed ripe bananas
1/2 cup milk
1 tsp vanilla
2 1/2 cups gluten-free flour
1 1/2 tsp xantham gum
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 cup chopped nuts (optional)

1. Preheat oven to 350
2. Spray loaf pan with gluten-free baking spray
3. Use mixer to combine butter and sugar. Add eggs and mix until combined. Add bananas, milk, and vanilla. Beat until smooth.
4. Add dry ingredients and stir just until moistened.
5. Pour batter into pan and bake for 60-75 minutes, or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.

I recommend eating a warm slice with coconut butter. Yum!