So Tired

I have to tell you something: I'm tired. I'm tired of looking for a job and worrying about when I'll find a job and most of all tired of talking to people about how and when I might find a job. 

I'm not really so much tired of not having a job. I'm not fretting about my lack of purpose or title or anything like that. I'm not wishing I had an office to go to each day. I'm just tired of knowing that I need a source of income without knowing where it's going to come from. I'm tired of the anxiety and the days when it feels like I've managed to make it to age 38 without acquiring any actual skills. I'm tired of doubting myself. And holy shit is this introvert tired of talking to strangers about herself. 

If I can't wait out the rest of this forced hiatus on a beach somewhere, then please, please let it end soon. Please let the interview I had Friday be as good as I think it was. Please let this be it. I've "enjoyed" as much "time off" as I can muster....unless you want to, say, hire me today with a confirmed start date of one month from now...then I can definitely muster up a little more appreciation for this "break."