I Feel Good

You'll probably be happy to know that my cleanse is coming to an end tomorrow. It hasn't been easy and a lot of it hasn't been fun, but a funny (yet predictable) thing has happened: I don't want to binge on sugar and gluten and dairy anymore.

Here are the key things I've learned:

• Paying to be on a cleanse instills much more accountability than trying to do it on your own for "free". (Signing up with a friend is even better!)
• Sugar is in virtually everything and we're all addicted (and my kids eat WAY too much sugar).
• It's possible to cook amazing food that doesn't contain dairy, sugar or gluten. 
• Shopping at Whole Foods will easily double your grocery spend (this is a problem).
• This is the best way to lose weight without exercise that I've found (I've lost 4 pounds - if I lost 6 more, I'd be at my goal weight...also, yes, you should exercise).
• Vegan food tastes better once you've deprived your body of refined sugar and dairy for a week or so.
• Cooking with whole foods takes a lot more time than cooking with packaged foods (at least when you're first learning, it does).
• There are a lot of alternatives to gluten, dairy and refined sugar if you're willing to do the work and spend the money (see above)

As always, it's good to try new things and I'm glad I did this. I'm actually excited about learning to bake with less gluten and sugar. (Or not bake, as in the case of these awesome Coconut Snowballs I made today.)

It's bittersweet, I suppose. I feel great. I'm really grateful that I've learned another way to eat. I got some really great recipes and my jeans fit better. But...I'm worried I will never fully enjoy dessert again. I'm worried that I won't ever be able to drink another glass of red wine without thinking about it's sugar content. I'm worried that food is going to feel daunting and dangerous rather than fun. I'm sure all of this will wear off as I get farther away from eating such a strict diet, but that's what I'm feeling at the moment.

But, enough with fake problems, this should all be a happy thing! In one more day I will have done yet another thing I never thought I could do: 15 days without a Starbucks fancy drink! (but I did have coffee) 15 days without dessert! 15 days without chocolate! 15 days without baked goods! I did it! Yay me! And if any of you are inspired enough to try this thing out for yourself, there's another round starting in February!

As a way of ensuring that I don't totally abandon this newfound perspective once I finally get a taste of some sweet, sweet chocolate and wine, I'm pledging to post what we'll call a "Smart and Good" recipe every week. I'm not promising they'll all be totally gluten/sugar/dairy free, but they will probably be at least one or two of those things and they won't have refined sugar in them, because honestly, I'm throwing that shit out.

The Agony and the Irony, They're Killing Me

I'm bored with my blog, I said to my husband yesterday. Not bored with the blog itself. Bored with what I'm writing on it. (Translation: Bored with myself.)

His response was that all I've been focused on is this cleanse, which I interpreted as a very polite way of saying, Your life has been boring lately.

This reminded me: If you're bored, then you're boring.

This line likely originated with some wise grandmother or philosopher, but it's also a line from one of my most favorite-but-oft-forgotten songs, "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger. It is not a coincidence that this song was big during one of my most beloved periods in my life, when I was working at the college newspaper writing record reviews and interviewing bands every week.


So I just put this song on and made my Banana Carrot Muffins and it made me so happy and I suddenly felt less bored and boring. Music is magic!

And with that, let me tell you three exciting things I'm working on at the moment but have neglected to mention because I've been consumed by this cleanse:

1. Celebrity chef restaurant trip to NYC with my BFF in April. We scored insanely cheap airfare through a deal American Airlines was running last month. The itinerary is in the works. There's definitely a tension between choosing the younger TV chefs vs. the foundational culinary legends. Really it's just that we only have 3 days and you can't eat everything in 3 days. Also, I'm searching for a hotel deal that will allow us to allocate more budget toward to eating.

2. Trip to Vegas with our BFF couple (omg, every couple needs a BFF couple!) in May. I get to Vegas every year, but we take this trip with our friends every few years, or as often as we can both make it work. I pretty much love Vegas no matter what, but being there with friends who seem to like nearly all the same things as you is pretty awesome. In this case, we got a killer deal on a hotel, so now I'm watching for a deal on airfare...kind of an important component of the trip.

3. Family trip to NYC in August! Yes, two trips to NYC in just a few months, all thanks to that insanely cheap AA deal. My family of 4 is flying roundtrip to NYC for less than $600!!! It's like it's 1998 again. Crazy town. We'll be on the East Coast for a week, so we're thinking we'll take the train to Boston for a few days and partake in some historic things. Again, I'm scouting for hotel deals, although I'm a lot more picky when I'm traveling with the boys so I'll probably end up spending more.

Ok, so when I think about all that I'm no longer bored. Plus, there are the 7 things I'm supposed to be crossing off my 40 by 40 list. Too bad "Give up everything you like to eat for 15 days" wasn't on the list. I guess I've got some doing to do.

I Get Knocked Down...

I was going to tell you how great the cleanse is going. How I'm feeling better, sleeping better, how the crappy withdrawal part passed in just a couple days, but then, this morning, I accidentally ingested sugar and it gave me a headache and I feel like crap again.

Seriously, i was doing SO well! My husband and I had a date last night! A DATE planned on a Friday evening! (Well, half a date at least - we had to get the kids by 8 pm). We went to Rare Steak & Sushi because we had a LivingSocial deal that expires in a few days. I was a rockstar (cleanse-wise). I stuck to sashimi and asked for tamari in place of soy sauce (it's gluten-free!). I didn't even give into the overwhelming temptation of a martini...even though it happened to still be happy hour when we got there. Not drinking a martini while out on a date having sushi was the hardest part of this whole cleanse. I'll admit, however, that I ate an olive out of my husband's martini.

(Side note: I will go back to Rare because it's owned by Lifetime Fitness and, as such, they are trying to offer healthier foods: grass-fed beef, fresh caught seafood, no high-fructose corn syrup, no refined sugar, etc.)

So last night was great! And this morning was great too! My cleanse buddy is also my running buddy (and also my BFF) and since the Twin Cities was recently treated to rain that has now frozen and turned everything into a skating rink, we decided to try out the indoor track at a local high school rather than risking injuries outside. (So resourceful, right?!) So we ran 2.4 miles and then went to Good Earth for breakfast.

Good Earth is pretty cleanse-friendly. VERY gluten-free friendly. And then they told me they had coconut milk and it made me feel like I could order something crazy so I got a chai latte! And, it turns out they don't have coconut milk anymore, so I had to switch to almond milk, but who cares! In my mind, a chai latte was just tea and milk...

I suspected something was amiss when that chai latte was the Best. Thing. Ever. It was so amazing. I talked to it. "Thank you, chai latte," I said. "I will always remember you." And I don't even normally care that much about chai. Normally I'm an espresso girl, but tea seemed healthier in this case.

Yeah, ok, so since then, Google has helpfully informed me that chai lattes have sugar. Probably a lot of sugar. Obviously enough to make me giddy, then lethargic, and then give me a headache. Boo. It just goes to show how wonderful and evil sugar can be...which brings me to this question: Is there an antidote to sugar? Like, a way to counteract its effects if you realize you've gone too far? I might need that once this cleanse is over because if that chai latte tasted that amazing, just imagine what actual dessert might taste like...and then feel like later.

But until then, onward with the cleanse. Chumbawamba style.

Holy Date Balls

Greetings from day 2 of being gluten-, sugar-, dairy-, white food-, and alcohol-free. It turns out that I did not have to give up caffeine entirely! I am allowed one precious (small) cup of coffee per day...with coconut milk and without any sugar.

I am going through gluten withdrawal. I thought it was sugar withdrawal, but the experts say it's the gluten. I feel half hungover and half asleep...and slightly like I have the flu (which I'm hoping is not the case, as it has been going around my house). I felt fine yesterday, but this morning it hit me hard. It's pretty crazy that one day without it can have such a big effect. (Yes, yes, I know, this is what all of this is supposed to teach me...I am learning.)

I feel like I did the night before I had sinus surgery, when I couldn't eat or drink anything and I was terrified that I would absent-mindedly just start eating. I haven't been tempted to cheat, but I'm worried I'll just forget what I'm doing and reach for one of the twenty bazillion candy dishes around my office.

So yeah, this is not the fun part of the cleanse. However, I believe the fun part is coming. The part where I feel amazing and maybe lose some weight. I just have to make it through the next 2 or 3 days...please don't let it be any more than that.

On the bright side, I've been cooking lots of new stuff! Kale chips, protein bars, black bean soup, chicken quinoa green olive stew...all of which have been really, really good. Oh yes, and the date balls (pretty much dates, honey, nuts and coconut flakes in a food processor), which I had a lot of doubt about, but which have turned out to be a friend indeed.

Oh god, I'm eating date balls and liking it. What if when I emerge from this, I can never truly enjoy dessert again? What if when I see a salted caramel crepe, all I can think is how much sugar and gluten it contains?

I suppose that's a problem to consider in 14 days...right now I'm focused on making it to bed without accidentally shoving a truffle in my mouth. Stupid after Christmas clearance.

Impending Doom, or How I Unwittingly Agreed to Stop Eating Dessert

You guys, I think I'm about to do something stupid. Sure, sure it's good for me, but I can't help wondering if the "good for me" card isn't sometimes trumped by the reality card.

I'm starting a diet detox/cleanse thing on Monday. It's 15 days long. I signed up back before Christmas because I knew I'd want to do something healthy to kick off the new year. And because I really want to lose 10 lbs. and because I'm going to need to wear a swimsuit in 127 days (but who's counting?) when we go to Las Vegas.

I didn't realize when I signed up that it was so drastic. I thought I'd reduce the bad stuff but not give it all up. For real, I have to give up everything: dairy, gluten, soy, caffeine, alcohol and sugar! ALL sugar...except for fruit and we all know that doesn't really count.

ME! Giving up sugar! And Starbucks! Is it smart or even reasonable for a sugar enthusiast and caffeine addict such as myself to take such drastic measures? What if I am healthier but slip into a deep depression from lack of coffee and dessert joy?

I realize of course that the fine ladies leading this cleanse (my stepsister being one of them) would say I'm the perfect candidate for this cleanse because I'm so hooked on all bad stuff. I know they would tell me that I'm going to feel a new kind of joy when I see how I feel without sugar, etc. and I actually do believe them...even though this conversation is hypothetical. I know that I like things that are not always good for me and I know these things counteract my efforts to be healthier and yet...

Is life really worth living if you can't eat dessert?

Ok, I know it's only 15 days. I'm just having a temper tantrum and thinking of all the reasons why I should quit before I even start. Buying all these crazy healthy groceries will be expensive. I'm going to have to cook entirely separate meals from my family. I can't eat out, except I have a date with my husband next Friday at a sushi place, so I'll basically have to eat sashimi without soy sauce OR a martini. And we can't reschedule because it's a Living Social deal that's about the expire and I can't also give up my love of a good deal!

Sigh. I know these are not real problems. It's time for an attitude adjustment.
I can do this! This morning I ran 2 miles in 12 degree weather! I survived premature babies and my father's death and my stepson's nightmare of an adolescence. Sugar will not be the thing that takes me down!

Now excuse me while I go binge on coffee, cheese, chocolate and beer. Monday is still a good 30+ hours away.