Father's Day

Father's Day. It's a strange reminder that I don't have a dad anymore. However, the holiday is not as sad or full if sentiment for me as his birthday. It wasn't like we had a Father's Day tradition...the compulsory card and maybe a meal together, depending on the year. 

I think it might have been Father's Day when I realized my dad was drinking again...I don't remember the occasion for sure, but I know it was at Red Lobster and that he ordered a beer and that I immediately knew I was going to have to tell my mom, even though at that point they had been divorced for at least 20 years.

Anyway, now Father's Day is all about celebrating my husband, a dad deserving of celebration.

I'm sure there are men out there who really love celebrating themselves, but my husband is not one of them. I usually just plan brunch and hope he likes it, knowing he will likely choose to work at night because it's his day and I can't give him shit about it.

I simultaneously love and hate the cliche Father's Day gifts. He's received a few coffee mugs and yes, even a tie with photos of the boys on it once. There's just something really funny about giving my husband, a non-traditional guy in most senses, the most traditional gift. Actually, funnier than giving him those gifts is the fact that the kids seem drawn to them, like media-trained little sheep. This year he got a screwdriver, but to be fair it was a cool one from Brookstone. (And seriously, does Brookstone exist because of Father's Day?)

This is where I was going to tell you how disappointed I am that my wayward stepson could not even be bothered to return the multiple text messages I sent inviting him to his father's brunch today...but you see, I promised myself when I started this blog that I wouldn't splash his life across these pages, so I won't go into it. Other than to say that I will raise my boys to know that their parents deserve at least a phone call on all relevant holidays and birthdays. At least being code for you better be in a different state if I'm not going to actually see you. 

Now go hug your dad or the favorite dad in your life. 

37

It's my birthday. Time to review my 40 by 40 list and see if I'm making adequate progress...am I making the most of my days? Lord knows that I'll never be as young as I am right now, so I should really get a move on.

Well, before I get to the 40 by 40 list, I have to tell you about my trip this past weekend to Seattle, where I did something that I wish I could go back and put on my 40 by 40 list, but did not have the forethought: Sing with one of my rock idols.

The Seattle trip was a spontaneous decision spurred by the fact that Throwing Muses was doing a short reunion tour and Tanya Donelly (whom I admire and adore) was opening...and it happened to be the weekend before my birthday. The show was at The Triple Door, which is a really cool dinner theater sort of club in Seattle.

We had dinner in the bar that's out front. Tanya Donelly was actually sitting, having dinner, in a booth not 50 feet from us. My husband offered to stop her to say hi and ask for a photo, but I declined because I didn't want to bother her...even though the sight of her made me giddy.

Our seats were amazing. Right in front. Tanya came out and before long, she sang a Belly song. This made me tear up in that "Omg, I didn't know if I'd ever hear this live again" sort of way. I realized I have some emotional attachment to Tanya and Belly because I listened to them all through high school. I basically discovered them at the start of sophomore year and it was love at first listen. I just connected with her.

So I'm already SO happy to be there and then Tanya stops and announces that it's time to bring someone - or anyone - up to caterwaul on "Not Too Soon", which happens to be my favorite Throwing Muses song. Without thinking, I just got up and went to the stage. I don't usually do things like that, but having just missed the opportunity to meet her in the bar, loving her and loving the song, I guess I was emboldened.

There were 8 of us. We made a semi-circle behind her. I was directly behind her left shoulder. The entire time, I stared at the back of her head. I studied the claw clips in her hair - two black ones forming almost-pigtails and two tiny silver ones holding up the hair below. I could not believe that Tanya Donelly was 6 inches from me, singing one of my favorite songs. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to cry. I was numb. All at once. It was amazing.

Strangely, I wasn't nervous at all. Afterward, my husband kept saying how I sang in front of a crowd, but I didn't see the crowd. All I knew is that I was singing backup...to one of my favorite musicians...on one of my favorite songs. Did I mention that it was amazing? I don't know when the last time is that my happiness has been so pure. I'm tempted to cross something off my 40 by 40 list and add this one in just so I can cross it off as complete...but I won't.

Ok, so back to the 40 by 40 list. I can't announce that I've crossed anything off lately, but I can commit to a few of them in the year ahead:

• #8: Tour the coasts of Ireland - this is BOOKED! We are leaving Dublin at the end of July and will drive the coast for nearly 2 weeks!
• #9: Do Pastry Boot Camp at the CIA - the next session is in February and I'm like 75% sure that I'm going to enroll. It's more expensive that I'd like, but I think it would be a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
• #17: Get another tattoo - I finally figured out the tattoo I want to get, so now I just need to have it drawn and figure out when to do it. Sometime in the next year seems doable.

There are several others things I could take on in the next year, but those are the 3 that are currently in my plans. But since I've got more than half the list yet and only 3 years, I should probably step it up. 

More to come. Let me just say that I am grateful for my 37-year-old body (even as it gets rounder) and I am grateful that I can get up everyday and hold my kids and walk around and that I have the luxury to dream of more. Life is good. Happy birthday to me.